


Flirty Bertie

by JaskiersWolf



Series: Canon Era Geraskier Prompts [1]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Background Relationships, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, Winter At Kaer Morhen, Wordcount: 500-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:28:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27164575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaskiersWolf/pseuds/JaskiersWolf
Summary: Jaskier has writer's block whilst at Kaer Morhen. Geralt suggests that he writes a song about Lambert for a change. Lambert is not impressed.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Canon Era Geraskier Prompts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1982815
Comments: 29
Kudos: 228





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a suggestion by @amadcat570 on tumblr who thought it would be funny if the other witchers called Lambert ‘Bertie’ or ‘Bert’. I accidentally made it Geraskier too. 
> 
> I'm going to be putting up a few of my more popular tumblr ficlets on AO3. You can find this one on [tumblr](https://jaskierswolf.tumblr.com/post/630507306787946496/based-on-a-suggestion-by-amadcat570-who-thought).

  
“Geralt, darling, dear heart, love of my life and shining star in the sky.” Jaskier cooed as he draped himself over Geralt’s lap.

He had a notebook in his lap and a quill in one hand. There were smudges of ink over both his hands and face which made Geralt smile faintly. He must have been composing again. No matter how careful he was, Jaskier always ended up with ink stains covering his skin, particularly on his cheek from where he absentmindedly tapped the quill when he was deep in thought.

Geralt grunted and ran his hands through Jaskier’s messy hair. “What?”

“I love you.” Jaskier smiled softly up at him and reached up to stroke Geralt’s cheek.

Geralt hummed but leaned into the touch. “What do you want, Jaskier?” He raised an eyebrow at the bard in his lap.

Jaskier rolled his eyes dramatically and pouted. “And who said I want anything, dearest Geralt?”

Geralt tilted his head and huffed in exasperation. “Jaskier.”

“Oh fine.” He grumbled and stuck his tongue out. “I have writer’s block”

Geralt snorted. “That’s because Vesemir won’t let you write about Kaer Morhen.” Geralt continued to stroke his fingers through the bard’s hair. It was relaxing and with any luck it would shut Jaskier up for a while.

“Geralt.” Jaskier whined. “It’s not fair. This magnificent castle,” He flung his arms open wide as he stared up at Geralt with a twinkle in his eyes, “filled with stories that have been lost for centuries! I could write the finest haunting ballads of the ghosts that walk the corridors, or epic poems about young witchers flying through the trees as they run that god damn obstacle course of yours.”

Geralt smirked. “The Killer.”

“Yes!” Jaskier sighed dramatically. “Oh and the views, gods Geralt. I could seduce the Ice Queen herself with these views….” Geralt raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend. Jaskier smiled sheepishly. “I mean, I won’t, but I could!”

“Write about something else then?” Geralt suggested.

Jaskier hit him in the face with his quill. “I can’t!”

“Write about…” Geralt looked around the room for something and spotted Lambert staring very intently at the edge of his sword. He’d been sharpening it rhythmically by the fireplace. “Lambert?”

The redhead looked up and glared at Geralt, pointing his blade haphazardly in their direction. “Oh no. Not getting involved. He’ll end up giving me some dumb nickname. I don’t want to be the Great Ginger Wolf.”

Jaskier gaped and almost fell off Geralt’s lap. “Lambert! I would come up with a much better name than that.” Geralt snorted earning him a rather pointed glare from Jaskier. “Not a word, Geralt Roger Eric du Haute-Bellegarde!”

Geralt growled. “Shut up.”

Lambert cackled and sheathed his sword. “I like this one, Geralt. He can stay.”

“What about Bertie?” Geralt smirked.

Jaskier laughed melodically and flung open his notebook, sliding down to the floor by Geralt’s feet so he could start scribbling. “Ooh good one! Flirty Bertie?”

“What?! No!” Lambert protested.

“Or Bert?” Geralt tilted his head as he peered over Jaskier’s shoulder at his messy scrawl. It was a miracle that Jaskier could read it at all.

“Bert the Hurt?” Jaskier cackled and looked across at Lambert who’s face was beginning to resemble the curls on top of his head.

“No!” Lambert splutter. “Absolutely not!”

“The Witchers renowned for skill of the blade,” Jaskier sang. “But one redheaded bastard started to stray.”

“Shut it, bard!” Lambert snapped.

“He winked and he strutted around on the streets,” Jaskier’s voice shook as he started to laugh. “But the real display took place ‘twixt the sheets.”

“Geralt! Stop him.”

“They called him Big Bertie, he was ever so flirty but by gods you should see what he eats!” Jaskier doubled over with laughter as Lambert launched across the room to attack him.

Geralt laughed too. It wasn’t Jaskier’s finest work, it certainly wouldn’t win him any awards at the festivals but it was perfect for Kaer Morhen. He rolled his eyes as Jaskier fled from the room with Lambert hot on his heels. He supposed he should probably go and rescue his bard from the angry redheaded witcher but honestly he was pretty comfortable by the fire place. Jaskier could sort this one out on his own. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two! Requested by Aardthebard on Tumblr :) This can also be found on [tumblr](https://jaskierswolf.tumblr.com/post/630700521959849984/a-companion-piece-to-this-the-sequel-requested-by)

Jaskier was not a morning person. He had yet to move past the days of Oxenfurt, or more accurately the nights of Oxenfurt. Everyone kept telling him that as he grew older he would get better at mornings.

Bollocks to that.

Mornings were sinful and had a special place in hell. Not even the spectacular sunrises from Geralt’s balcony could redeem them, although he did adore those views. Especially when Geralt came over to wrap his arms around Jaskier’s waist and rest his head on Jaskier’s shoulder so they could watch the sunrise together.

Ok, perhaps that redeemed them a little, but that was neither here or now. Jaskier moaned and thumped his head down on the table. “Ow.” He grumbled.

“Cheer up, bard.” Eskel clapped him over the back and Jaskier shot an icy glare in the witcher’s direction.

“I’ll cheer up when Geralt stops dragging me out of bed at the crack of dawn! Fucking witchers.” Jaskier glowered and pulled his plate of bread and cold meat towards him. He wasn’t hungry, he never was in the mornings but Geralt insisted.

“I thought you liked fucking witchers?”

“Shut it, Bertie!” Jaskier turned his glare onto Lambert who had just entered the room with the worst case of bedhead that Jaskier had seen.

Lambert stuck his tongue out at Jaskier and muttered something about Wyverns eating Jaskier for lunch. Jaskier chuckled as he nibbled on his breakfast. Lambert was just lucky Geralt had left early to hunt, otherwise Jaskier would have been shamelessly snogging his partner by now just to make a point.

“Yeah, Bertie.” Eskel laughed as Lambert punch him in the arm. “What’s wrong, Bert? No one to flirt with?”

Lambert roared and tackled Eskel to the ground. Jaskier tilted his head to watch the two witchers wrestle, smirking as Lambert’s shirt slid up his torso. Jaskier was faithful to Geralt, of course he was. He’d been pining after the man for long enough, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t admire the sight of rippling muscles on the other wolves.

“That never leaves Kaer Morhen!” Lambert yelled, his voice strained as he pushed against Eskel’s grip on his arms. “Do you hear me? Not a word!”

“I could write a song for Eskel too, if that makes you feel better?” Jaskier mused, his thoughts already racing with rhymes and metaphors.

Eskel scoffed as he sat on top of a struggling Lambert. “What would my nickname be? Scarface?”

Jaskier gaped and put his hand to his chest. “Eskel, no!” He whined and immediately decided that he needed to take a different approach with the blond witcher. He shimmied off the bench and ran over to hug Eskel, then he cupped Eskel’s face in his hands. “No.” He repeated. “You are so much more than that, darling witcher.”

Eskel immediately flushed and stared very intently at the wall away from Jaskier. Jaskier felt a bubble of mischievous joy well up inside him . Oh ho ho, so you could get to Lambert through insults but Eskel… Eskel got flustered with praise!

Oh this was very good!

“Of all the witchers I ever met,” Jaskier began to sing “let me tell you about my darling, Esk.”

Eskel made a strangled noise and Lambert began to cackle, using the blond witcher’s distraction to his advantage in their fight and flipping their positions, much to Jaskier’s delight!

“So daring, and kind and ever so bold, a smile like the sun and eyes, molten gold.” Jaskier winked at the blond witcher.

“Lambert what is he doing?” Eskel spluttered. “Make it stop.”

“Hey! At least he’s nice about you!” Lambert grumbled and let the other witcher up off the floor.

“He’s rescued you all from ghouls and from fiends.” Jaskier bopped Eskel’s nose as he sang. “My friends, my dear Eskel is the witcher of dreams.”

Eskel hid his face behind is hands. “Fuck I’m not drunk enough for this.”

Jaskier cackled. “Not drunk enough… for compliments?”

“Yes!”

“He’s got a point.” Lambert agreed as he hopped up onto the table, grabbing a plateful of food that had been all but abandoned.

“Shut it, Bertie!” Eskel groaned and flopped back onto the floor.

Jaskier grinned, feeling a swell of pride in his chest. He could do this all day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Like I said I'll be slowly moving my most popular tumblr ficlets onto AO3 :) 
> 
> \- Wolfie


End file.
